“That Shouldn’t Bother Me”—But It Does: Valid Triggers in Motherhood

There are days when a whine from the other room sends my whole body into fight-or-flight. When the crying won’t stop and I feel like I might shatter. When a simple comment – “You should enjoy this time” – feels like a slap in the face. And what follows next? Guilt. Why am I so reactive? Shouldn’t I be able to handle this by now?

If this sounds familiar, I want you to know something: You’re not broken. You’re not overreacting. You’re just human. And your triggers in motherhood? They’re valid.

Let’s Be Honest About What Triggers Us

Before I became a mom, I thought love would be enough. That with enough patience, I’d be the calm, always-gentle presence I imagined. But then the realities of motherhood came – no sleep, no silence, no space to think a full thought. And sometimes I feel it in my chest – that tight, panicked feeling when I just want to be left alone for five minutes. These are the moments I used to judge myself for. Now, I try to listen.

My Personal Triggers

When I’ve had no time alone and someone climbs on me the moment I sit down.

When my toddler screams at me while I’m tending to one of their siblings and I feel like I can’t meet anyone’s needs.

When the house is loud and messy and I can’t hear myself think.

When someone tells me to “enjoy every moment” and I’m barely holding on.

None of these things are huge, but they strike deep – because they touch old wounds, unspoken fears, and the weight of invisible labor I carry every single day.

What I’ve Learned (And Am Still Learning)

I’ve learned that my triggers aren’t signs I’m doing something wrong. They’re clues. Invitations to slow down, get curious, and offer myself compassion.

It’s okay if the sound of whining unravels you. If a tantrum makes you want to scream. If you sometimes fantasize about running away to a quiet hotel room (with room service and no one saying “Moooom!” every 8 seconds). You’re not alone.

What Helps Me Recenter

Naming it: Saying, “This is a trigger,” helps me pause before I spiral.

Taking breaks when I can: Even 5 minutes with a glass of water and no one touching me helps reset my system.

Letting myself feel: I’ve cried in the laundry room more times than I can count.

I let the tears come now instead of numbing myself and shoving them down.

Talking to other moms who get it: Nothing soothes the shame like someone saying, “Me too.”

If you’ve ever felt like your reactions were “too much” or that you should be “handling it better” – I see you. We’re carrying so much, often without enough support or acknowledgment.

Your triggers are not a sign you’re failing. They’re signs that you’re feeling deeply, living fully, and doing the incredibly hard work of being a mother while still being a whole person with your own needs and history. You deserve gentleness, too.

With love,

Jenn