The Invisible Load: What Mothers Carry and Why It Matters

Some mornings I wake up already overwhelmed. Not because anything bad has happened, but because the list in my head has already started running: lunches to pack, appointments to schedule, diapers to restock, feelings to manage (theirs and mine). And I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet.

As a mom of three little ones – including twins – and as a student studying social work, I live with a double lens: I feel the weight of motherhood and I see it in the lives of the women I will be working with. But what’s harder to see – and even harder to name – is the invisible load we’re all carrying.

The Mental Load: A Constant Background Noise

When my son was born in 2020, I thought I was ready. I had the baby gear, the classes, the Google search history full of best practices. But nothing prepared me for the mental spreadsheet that would live in my brain – forever open, never done. And then the twins came. Suddenly, I was keeping track of three sets of needs, three sleep schedules (or lack thereof), three very different personalities. I’d find myself standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to remember what I came in for. I wasn’t tired because I was doing so much – I was tired because I was thinking about everything, all the time.

The invisible load is the kind of exhaustion you can’t nap away.

Emotional Labor: The Quiet Work of Keeping Everyone Okay

I became the family’s feel-keeper. The one who noticed the subtle shifts in mood, who buffered the meltdowns, who made sure the birthday presents were bought and that the kids had a clean “lovey” when they were sick. I carried everyone’s emotions like I carried their backpacks – without really being asked, because that’s just what moms do.

And let’s be real – there were times I felt completely lost in the process. I was giving so much that I didn’t even know what I needed. I didn’t know how to ask for help without feeling guilty. I didn’t even realize I was carrying too much until I broke down from the weight of it.

It’s Not Just Personal—It’s Systemic

This is the part where my professional lens kicks in. Because it’s not just me. It’s not just you. This invisible load we carry isn’t some personal failing or poor time management – it’s a symptom of systems not built with mothers in mind. No affordable childcare. Short or unpaid maternity leave. Workplaces that don’t offer flexibility. Mental health support that’s hard to access, especially when you’re barely managing the day-to-day.

We’re told to “take care of ourselves,” but rarely given the space, resources, or time to actually do it.

Why I’m Writing This

I’m writing this because if no one names it, we’ll keep thinking it’s just us. That we’re not strong enough, organized enough, mom enough. But you are enough. If you’re sitting in the car after drop-off, staring into space because your brain is fried – you’re not alone. If you’re crying while folding tiny onesies, wondering how you’re supposed to keep up – you’re not alone. If you’re carrying it all and wondering why you’re so tired when “nothing’s wrong” – you’re absolutely not alone.

This load is real. It matters. And we don’t have to carry it in silence.

With love,

Jenn