What I Wish I Knew When I Became a Mother

I became a mom in 2020, in a world that felt like it was unraveling. Nothing about it looked like the Pinterest boards I’d saved or the stories I’d heard. And then, just as I was getting my bearings, I became a mom again – to twins.

Three kids in two and a half years. During a pandemic. While navigating my own mental health and sobriety.

There are things I wish someone had told me, not because it would have made it all easier, but because I might have breathed deeper. Felt less alone. Given myself more grace.

So here’s what I wish I knew when I became a mom – for myself, and maybe for you, too.

1. You Can Love Your Baby and Miss Your Old Life at the Same Time

The guilt I felt for grieving the version of myself I used to be – uninterrupted, spontaneous, independent – was sharp. I didn’t know then that love and loss can sit side by side in motherhood. That longing for a past life doesn’t make you less of a mom; it makes you human.

2. Your Feelings Are Valid, Even the Messy Ones

I didn’t know how normal it was to feel numb, overwhelmed, or even resentful. I thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t realize that postpartum depression and anxiety don’t always look like tears – they can look like rage, detachment, or feeling robotic.

I wish I had known how okay it is to not feel okay – and how brave it is to ask for help.

3. You Don’t Have to Earn Rest

I spent so much time trying to prove I could “do it all” that I burned out quickly. I didn’t know that rest wasn’t a reward for productivity – it’s a necessity for survival. Especially when your body and mind are recovering from birth and adjusting to everything new.

Now, I take the nap. I leave the dishes. I let the day be imperfect.

4. Bonding Isn’t Always Instant

Nobody told me that the connection with your baby isn’t always magical from the start. But love can grow. Attachment deepens over time. And that’s okay, too.

5. You Are Still You

Becoming a mom changes everything. But I wish someone had told me that I wouldn’t lose myself completely – I was just becoming a new version of me. One that still loves deep talks, chicken wings, music from the 2000s, and moments of quiet.

Motherhood doesn’t erase you. It rewrites you. And you get a say in the story.

6. Comparison is a Thief (and a Liar)

Instagram lied to me. I thought everyone else had it figured out – the matching pajamas, the clean kitchens, the glowing skin. I wish I knew that what I saw online was only a sliver, and that real life – mine included – was good enough, mess and all.

7. You Are Enough

Even on the days you yell. Even when the house is chaos. Even when you question if you’re cut out for this.

You are enough. Just as you are. Not because of what you accomplish, but because you show up – over and over again – with love in your heart and hope in your bones.

If You’re In It Right Now…

I see you.

You are not failing.

You are growing. You are learning. You are doing something sacred—and so incredibly hard.

And if no one has told you lately: You’re doing a damn good job.

With love – Jenn